Sunday, November 11, 2012

Polishing a Manuscript


Continued from last Sunday . . .

I delete fewer and fewer words as I go through draft after draft. For the novel I now have ready, I first wrote 212,000 words; then cut 86,000 in nineteen drafts.
            Much deleting occurred between 1999 and 2005 when I completed Draft 13. However, earlier drafts were on “floppy” disks that aren’t compatible with this computer. Thus, the two samples presented here are much closer in form than I’d like to show you. Still, if you compare them sentence by sentence you’ll see the refining I did.

2005—Draft 13—245 Words
Early the next morning, I trekked down to the Jordan to spy on John. As the sun began to climb the vault of the heavens, I came to Elisha’s spring. There I knelt to dip my hand into the fresh water welling up from the red clay and drank deeply. It was now warm enough to remove my cloak.
Rising, I headed southeast, descending steep ravines and fording wadis swollen with water, which rumbled through the steep gorges seeking the Jordan. When the dry season began, only a trickle would reach the winding river.
          As the sun drew the early morning rain back into the heavens, the day grew muggy. Heat shimmered like a spider’s dream as chirring locusts scoured the muddy path to the river. Beneath my tunic, rivulets of sweat trickled down my back and soaked the hair massed in the hollows of my armpits. Thistle from low-growing brambles and sweet-smelling acacias snared my tunic. Thus it was that I arrived at the ford of Bethabara stinking of sweat, with burrs puckering my clothes.
Pushing aside the plumed reeds, I joined the chattering pilgrims sitting on the embankment—chewing figs, spitting out pomegranate seeds, telling overblown tales. Besides subtle phrases spoken in Hebrew, I could hear the musical cadence of Greek and the more familiar Aramaic, spoken with a deep twang by peasants from the Galilee. Amidst this dissonance, I longed for the quiet of my courtyard and the tools of my trade.



Wikipedia photograph of the Jordan River

2012—Draft 19—180 words
Elisha’ spring gurgled forth from red clay. I splashed its sun-dappled water on my sweaty face, then refreshed my parched throat. Removing my cloak, I headed southeast, descending steep ravines and fording wadis swollen with water rumbling through the steep gorges toward the Jordan. Only a trickle would reach the winding river when the dry season began.
           Heat shimmered like a spider’s dream as chirring locusts scoured the rutted path to the river. Rivulets of sweat soaked the back of my tunic. Thistle from low-growing brambles tangled my dusty tunic. Thus it was that I arrived at the ford of Bethabara stinking of sweat, with burrs puckering my clothes.
I pushed aside the plumed reeds, draping my cloak over a shrub. Chattering pilgrims thronged the embankment, chewing figs, spitting pomegranate seeds, telling overblown tales. Some spoke subtle phrases in Hebrew; others, the musical cadence of Greek. The multitude used the more familiar Aramaic, spoken with a deep twang by peasants from the Galilee. Amidst this dissonance, I longed for the quiet of my courtyard and the tools of my trade.

Now what can happen with that kind of writing—that is, going over and over a manuscript to delete words—is that the writer can suck the juices out of the words. They become stale. Not only to the writer, but also the reader. And that may be what has happened with this manuscript. Attempting to tighten, I may have removed the story’s savor. I’m interested in what you think.  
Next Sunday I hope to explain how I arrived at the final draft after reading many contemporary novelists and studying how they craft their sentences.


20 comments:

  1. Draft 13 made me feel I was there. I felt the heat, the cool of the water, the brambles, and I heard the voices, the different languages mixing together, and I too wished to be home in my courtyard. For that reason, I actually liked it better than draft 19. However, I believe it would be a bit much for an entire book. So, draft 19 would be more a more enjoyable experience for the reader of your entire book. Or so I believe.

    You have, indeed, shown me something of what a writer goes through. Every single sentence of yours is a thing of beauty and it would hurt me to have to cut so many words out.

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    1. Dear Inger, I agree with you that Draft 13 if better in situating the reader within the story. I could see that before I did the posting, but I'm so pleased that you agree.

      Given your comment and those of Dr. Kathy McCoy and Shelly, I've now taken the two samples and woven them together, and I'm pleased with the outcome.

      Next Sunday, I'm going to present the final drafting of the first paragraphs of Chapter 1 of the novel. I hope I've polished so as to enhance Draft 19.

      Also next Sunday I'll explain why I used what I call "the shotgun effect" in Draft 19. I think now that I "threw the baby out with the bathwater." Peace.

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  2. Dee, you've perfectly described a writer's dilemma -- how to tighten while preserving the spirit of the original. While I like the greater crispness of version 19, I liked the more captivating opening of version 13. It makes me want to know why you're spying on John and what you hope to find.

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    1. Dear Kathy, truly polishing is a dilemma as you well know. Draft 19 is "crisp" as you say. In my head, it lacks the cadence that gives some lyricism to my writing. Next Sunday I'll explain why that happened and my future plans for the manuscript. Peace.

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  3. I echo the two before me in that the richness of Draft 13 made me a part of the story, but the tightness of Draft 19 might be better suited for the longer work of a book.

    Polishing my writing is something I still struggle with. I am heavy with cutting and then go back and forth with whether I've trimmed not just fat, but the muscle that makes it work.

    I am really looking forward to reading your new book~

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    1. Dear Shelly, thanks so much for weighing in here about the two drafts. Please read what I wrote to Inger and Kathy in my response.

      I so like your analogy of fat and muscle with regard to trimming. That is, to use Dr. Kathy McCoy's word, the "dilemma." And by the way, I think that polishing is a struggle for all of us. Peace.

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  4. Cade and I both enjoyed reading these. We like the first one best too :)

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    1. Dear Elisa, the truth is that I like the first one better also. Next Sunday I'll explain why. Peace.

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  5. I don't claim to be a writer of anything but short pieces, Dee, so I have no experiences of drafting and redrafting in this way. But as a reader I know what I like and I agree with the previous comments. Draft 19 is more concise, but somehow it doesn't draw me in as the earlier draft does.

    And even the hero seems less connected to his setting somehow - no mention of him 'joining' the pilgrims in Draft 19, so that he seems like an observer rather than a participant. But above all the intriguing mention of why he is making this arduous trek - to spy on John - is missing from the beginning of Draft 19.

    I look forward to reading the new draft. :-)

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    1. Dear Perpetua, I so agree with you. But I really didn't see that until I was writing the posting and went to my files to find the earlier draft. I was hoping that readers would respond positively to #13, and they did! Next week, I'll share the paragraphs I've crafted from the two drafts. And also I'll explain what I was truly doing in Draft 19. Peace.

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  6. Like the other commentors, Draft 13 made me feel as if I were there, which 19 does NOT. I'm interested in seeing how you combined them.

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    1. Dear Fishducky, yes, it does come down to situating the piece. Being there or being simply an observer. Thank you for your astute comment. Peace.

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  7. The later draft lost the mystery of spying on John to draw the reader in. I'll be curious to see what you ended up with in the final draft and how you crafted it. :)

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    1. Dear Rita, yes, that first sentence in Draft 13 made a lot of difference. I hope that my combination works for all of you who have commented in favor of the earlier draft. Peace.

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  8. Joining with everyone else. Draft 19 is more polished and elegant, but Draft 13 is more real.
    I am, as always, really looking forward to your next post, and seeing how you combine the best of both versions.

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    1. Dear EC, I'm relieved that you could read the posting. I'm having trouble with Blogger dash and the size of type. Please do let me know when the type is so small you can't read it.

      I so agree with your assessment of the two drafts. And I hope next Sunday to explain how Draft 19 lost it's "reality." Peace.

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  9. I learned from my daughter who has written a book and is working on her second that this creative part of the process is not hard for her. When she put her original ideas down she had already gone through a great deal of change before in her head. She hates the editing so she soon understood how to work around it. She has her MA in creative writing and does copy/editing work when not working at her marketing web page exe job for a firm inUK.
    I have no idea how you need to decide what the publisher will expect. That's where the catch lies.

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    1. Dear Heidrun, I'm gladdened to learn that your daughter had little trouble with the creative part of the writing process. She seems to have the same abilities as the famed author Elizabeth George.

      Only established novelists really know what their publishers will expect. For those of us still writing and longing to be published, there's no certainty. Peace.

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  10. Everything you write is good, Dee. You could draw pictures on the sidewalk with chalk and I'd say, Look at that. It's brilliant. It must be Dee's.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Dear Janie, your kind words make me blush! Peace.

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