Sunday, June 2, 2013

Judy's Reading of "The Reluctant Spy"


In my May 5 posting, I shared with you the first response of a friend—July Healey—to the manuscript for The Reluctant Spy. Judy is an established writer of two historical novels published by HarperCollins to excellent reviews. In April, she offered to read my manuscript when I told her the beginning of the novel was giving me trouble. Last Saturday, she sent me the following e-mail:        

I think The Reluctant Spy is a terrific story and you have told it well. Everything I have to say is embroidery. You have well developed characters and a strong plot line. . . . You have done a wonderful job here. Best, Judy

But a fine editor—like the one I had back in December whose sound advice enabled me to delete 9,000 words and tighten the story line—does more than simply give an overview of her first response to the manuscript. Truly gifted writers and editors find what doesn’t work and suggest solutions. And Judy knows what to look for. On Wednesday, I received the following in-depth comments from her about the first 86 single-spaced pages:

Plot and character: 
Several strains feed the animosity of Daniel and Ephraim and, to a lesser extent, Ephraim and Yeshua—or rather Ephraim for Yeshua. The first case seems based on Daniel’s childhood envy of his father’s pride in Ephraim and the betrayal of Ephraim by studying the Pharisaic tradition rather than Sadducean and his concealment of this. For me, the character of each of these men and their relationship forms the core of the story. 


However, it’s taken me some time to piece this together. What would have helped me earlier is the following:
·      Clear understanding from the outset of the difference between the two traditions.
·      Understanding the relationship of Daniel’s father to Ephraim: How had he come to live with the family? Why was Daniel’s father paying for Ephraim’s education? How could he not know where Ephraim was studying if he was paying the fees?
·      Clear understanding early on (rather than much later) of how Daniel and Ephraim parted.
·      What, exactly, is Ephraim’s relationship to Daniel now? In some scenes he seems excessively obsequious, although once in a while he musters the character to challenge Daniel. Ephraim is awfully tough on God but can’t stand up to Daniel. I think, especially early on, there should be more resistance on the part of Ephraim.
·      Daniel is the most interesting character in the book to me, so far, although the portrait of Yeshua is fascinating. Yet Daniel seems relentlessly vicious. Why?
·      I expected more of a reaction when Daniel tells Ephraim that it was his testimony that led directly to John’s death. I think you should do a little more with that scene.


Herod's Temple at the time of Yeshua.

Bridging your knowledge of the times with the readers’ ignorance:
  • You are steeped in the times and the words of the times but your reader is not. Every historical fiction writer faces this challenge and we each address it in our own way. One way is to have a glossary of terms so the reader can flip back when she comes upon an unfamiliar term
  • Another is to add more description when you use an unfamiliar term. “Jasper ring” for instance. We don’t care that you know the right word. We want to see it. Describe it for me now and I’ll continue on in the story. But without the description, I’m only faced with the fact that you have esoteric knowledge that I don’t have and I am annoyed and halted in my reading. “Tamarisks.” What are they? What do they look like?
  • Most of these words can be embroidered with little effort. Honor your reader’s ignorance rather than displaying your knowledge of the time.
  • But the larger problem is that of helping the reader early on understand the difference between Pharisees and Sadducees and, by understanding, enter into the tribal world these characters inhabit. This is core to the story.
  • It’s really good Dee. I know it will be published. But that strategy is another story!

             Judy has now sent me her comments written on the margins of the first 86 pages. When she completes her reading, I’ll get busy determining which of her suggestions work for me. But already I can see that I need to work on delineating relationships and making Ephraim more believable. I’ll share more with you as I receive Judy’s comments. Peace.

18 comments:

  1. What a great help! I know you'll make good use of Judy's comments.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Dear Janie, using the suggestions Judy's given me will take some real thought on my part because some reorganization of the book will be called for. I need to consider whether telling so much up front will lessen the suspense. I think Judy and I will probably talk about that at some point. Peace.

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  2. Judy really sounds like she knows what she's talking about. I have put down books where I didn't have enough background understanding to be interested in continuing to read.

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    1. Dear Fishducky, it's always a question as to how much background to present at the beginning of the book. Too much and the writer bogs down the plot; too little, and the writer becomes mired in confusion. It's a fine line I'm going to have to find. Peace.

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  3. What an amazing critique. I never knew so much went into one. I love how she said whatever she had was embroidery. I see this as now even closer to publication. The anticipation is building!

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    1. Dear Shelly, yes, a good critique examines characters, plot, theme, words, sentences, chapters. There are 249 pages in the single-spaced manuscript. So Judy is a little over 1/3 of the way through it. There will be more, I'm sure, that she'll find and share with me. So my anticipation is building also! Peace.

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  4. How wonderful to have this critique. Affirmation that yes, you do have the basis of an excellent work, and positive suggestions for improvement. Another wonderful friend at your back.

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    1. Dear EC, yes, "another wonderful friend" at my back. Is my life pretty wonderful or what!?!?! Peace.

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  5. Oh, Dee, this is wonderful help. What a great gift for you -- I am sure this will be an enormous help to you.

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    1. Dear Broad, yes, Judy's reading and her comments are a wonderful help. I've worked on the ms. for so long that I find myself being somewhat weary of it. Her reading is helping to vitalize my interest because she's giving me a thread to use to sew the story together. Peace.

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  6. She sounds like a great help with very sound advice. Wonderful feedback! Now you have specific things to work on with your next draft. Wow! Coming along!! :):)

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    1. Dear Rita, I'm sure that if I'm able to polish well using Judy's suggestions the manuscript will improve immensely. And yes--"Wow!" Peace.

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  7. Oh, wow, that is criticism worth having, Dee! So clear and helpful and encouraging. A real gift from a true friend.

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    1. Dear Perpetua, a real gift that I'll be able to use to revise and polish the manuscript. I'm so looking forward to the remainder of her reading and commenting. Then I'll get busy and use the suggestions she's given to complete the ms. Peace.

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  8. What a gift Judy is giving you, Dee, in her well-thought out and expert constructive criticism. There are many people who give one casual praise, but it takes a special friend to tell you not only what's working but also what isn't. I'm so happy Judy is giving you such valuable feedback to consider and that it will help you to make your good work on this novel even better!

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    1. Dear Kathy, yes, Judy is truly critiquing the manuscript in a way that will help me get it ready for publication. She's so perceptive. Peace.

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  9. Hi, Dee. I've been reading posts from both of your blogs and appreciating them. This is good, that you have a writerly friend to read through your ms. with knowledgeable skill. I've sure benefitted from a friend who's done this for me.

    I'm glad for your way with words.

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    1. Dear Deanna, thanks so much for reading posts from both blogs. The two are quite different in several ways and I enjoy both. I am grateful for Judy and her reading of the ms. And I'm glad you also have a friend who does this for you. We're blessed. Peace.

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